It's Gonna Take More Than a Bubble Bath

That said — I’m a BIG FAN of smart, brain based strategies for improving brain health and wellness. I hope you’re not surprised. And the first book I read this year was full of great ideas on these topics.

Burnout by Emily Nagoski PHD and Amelia Nogoski DMA is a groundbreaking book that offers a new way to understand stress and your relationship with it. And it helps add more science and strategy to the idea of self-care.

In short, they explain how our stress response is biologically wired and evolutionarily effective - however, in our modern life of stressors that aren’t actually life threatening (immediately), many of us get stuck in the middle of a stress cycle. We may deal with the stressor but the stress response is still simmering in our bodies.

So lesson one in this book, for me, was understanding that I need to deal with the stress differently from how I deal with the stressor.

I’m pretty good at dealing with stressors. I can manage, fix, produce, escape, problem solve, systemize, de-escalate, and strategize with the best of them. And lots of stressors just end as time passes.

But dealing with the stress requires turning toward my emotions and my body.

And as I mentioned in last week’s blog on Finding What Feels Good, some of us have a really hard time listening to our bodies, much less trusting them. To make matters worse, the more exhausted we are, the noisier the signal is, and the harder it is to hear the message.

This is often where folks may step in with “self-care” that misses the mark. Because what is needed isn’t just something that feels good – what’s needed is for the stress cycle to come full circle.

That means expressing/releasing all the stored energy from the “fight, flight, freeze” reaction of your body and engaging in activities that let your body know it’s safe now.

You can imagine how more primitive stressors ended with physical or communal activities that let the cycle complete – however, our modern stressors which may come and go with an email received and sent - don’t have the same opportunity to move through the cycle.

The stress isn’t what leads to illness and burnout – its when the stress gets stuck. (Among other things)

Physical activity is what tells your brain you have successfully survived the threat and now your body is a safe place to live. Physical activity is the single most efficient strategy for completing the stress response cycle.

Deep, slow, belly breaths help the stress response system settle down. Try breathing in for 5 counts, holding it for five, breathing out for five counts, and then holding it for 5. Put one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Feel held - feel your belly and chest rise and fall.

Is this the last thing I want to do when I’m stressed? Possibly. But casual, social interaction is a biological cue to our bodies that we are safe. It can be a brief conversation with the server at the restaurant or chit chat around the water cooler. Either can be a good way to remember that you are part of a community.

This is another age old message to our body that helps regulate emotions and increase our social bonds and feelings of wellbeing. So instead of scrolling, maybe turn on a netflix comedy special.

A deep conversation, a long hug, sex, or quiet companionship — they all work for reestablishing safety and connection not just in your head, but in your body.

Crying is the perfect example of something that does not deal with the stressor but works like a charm for letting the stress move through and out of your body. Let it out.

Calm your fight, flight, freeze brain by working with your creative brain. Grab a color book, doodle, make cookies, write, or dance – all of it will help your brain and body let the stress dissipate instead of stagnate.

You might have noticed that LOTS of these ideas are already part of our February Find What Feels Good Experiment. That’s no coincidence. My approach to self-care is brain based, and Burnout just reinforced why certain activities feel so good. They help you complete the stress cycle.